Lessons from Gatsby for a Modern World

Gatsby-licious by prettylittlesnippets featuring rose gold rings

"You can't judge a book by it's cover." Well, that's somewhat true. I've always thought that romance novel covers pretty much told the whole story, and I'm more than happy to judge there. But there are times when a cover can be very cleverly deceiving. Sometimes our own covers are pretty yet hide a lot of nothing. I was reminded of this last week when we saw the new movie version of The Great Gatsby, and I can't stop thinking of it. It's probably what makes the story so enduring.

I've always loved F. Scott Fitzgerald's novels, although ironically enough Gatsby is not my personal favorite. The total sadness and emptiness of living for an ideal - often in the moment - though, streams throughout all his books. It's said that authors write what they know. For Fitzgerald, this is sadly true. He and his wife, Zelda, drank their money away - what they had, anyway - and fell into a ruinous relationship and a tragic end.

It's so easy for us today, as back in the jazz age, to keep reaching for the lives we wish we had, even if that means squandering our money, our time, and our health. We may not even realize what we're doing except in rare moments when we come face to face with our reflections and wonder how we got so lost. The characters in Fitzgerald's books - sometimes they knew, and cared. Sometimes they knew and didn't care.

In the jazz age, people chased or drowned their ideals by drinking, spending, and partying, by getting mixed up in the wrong crowds. Today we still chase or drown our ideals by wasting time on social media, by comparing our lives to others, by spending more than we have on something simply because "so and so has it so it must be necessary" (iproducts, anyone?). We all can look pretty on the surface. The '20s were a beautiful moment when art, fashion, music, and architecture collided. It's one of my favorite eras for dress, music, cocktails, art, literature, and architecture. But it was a cover that hid a lot of emptiness.

I'm not saying we should give up on ideals or dreams. I'm not saying we can't admire each other or different eras or beautifully made movies. I'm not saying that the world of art and beauty has no joy or place. I'm saying look deeper, at what fuels you. Where does your time go? What about your energy? Do you spend it making a life that truly reflects who you are and who you want to be? What kind of cover do you have? Does it start to tell the real story? Please don't be a  beautiful yet vapid, selfish Daisy, turned here and there by suggestion, and please don't be a handsome, rich, yet lonely, desperate Jay, chasing a dream that everyone else can see is doomed. Be a man or a woman of substance, with dreams tempered in love and reality, with an uplifting story.. Make your cover gorgeous - but only because it's a taste of what lies deeper within.

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Currently

Currently I am:

• Planting seedlings. The first was lemon seeds, right out of the lemons I brought home from the grocery store. They look happy, no? They've been stuck at this height for weeks now, and I'm curious to see if they will grow any more than this. I've also been planting herbs from seed: thyme, sweet basil, oregano, and cilantro. Rosemary, sage, and a few other select herbs will join them later. I decided that since I use these herbs the most, I might as well grow them and snip what I need as I go.
• Planning for a move. We're just moving across town, but I always find moving to be not-so-fun. A new place is fun. Moving is not. We get to look forward to moving again within a year as my husband's work takes us elsewhere. Three moves in less than two years. Let's just say I'm eager to put down roots other than my seedlings'! 

•  Playing with flowers. I love small arrangements, like the grouping above, but I also enjoy the challenge of large arrangements like the one below. That was for a wedding and a Sunday service at our church. If you know anyone in the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area who needs flowers for a wedding or other special occasion, I would love to help out!

• Captivated by The Great Gatsby. And one star in particular. It looks like I'm not alone in that, either. I was rather disturbed, though, to learn that she's over a decade younger than I am. Really!?

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•  Thinking about slow blogging. This article sums it up beautifully. I, too, have been blogging for years - at first daily and then three days a week. But in an overloaded age of images and constant information, it's hard to stay remotely relevant or inspired. I'm not giving up! But I will be more lenient in how often I post. I may post every day for weeks. I may post once a month. I'll explore more posts like Wednesday's, where I get to flex my first creatives: drawing and writing. I'll be working at culling as much of the "best" of myself as possible instead of hustling to get a post lined up just because I decided that it was the day a post was needed.
• Dreaming of rest. The past couple of years have been a literal blur. I've been craving yoga, retreat, a book on my nightstand (that I actually get to read), a pen in my hand more often, my hands in the dirt. So I'm going to rest and read, do yoga, write and draw, and get my hands dirty planting and pruning.
• Excited about projects. In a couple of weeks I get to start re-finishing our dining table. I can't wait to show you! I'll most likely throw in other projects as well. It's crazy how an orbital sander, some paint, and a little inspiration can make me so giddy. 

So what's been going on with you, my readers? What has you excited and looking into the future?

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Untold Stories

You walk into a bar. You've been there before, but not often. As you order a drink, you let yourself become reacquainted with the space. The dark, loud space with wooden walls, random booths and bar tables. It's one of those nights when people whisper the word, "Snow," but with a wink that says they'll believe it when they see it. To keep an eye on both the outside and the inside, you snag a leather chair by the window, just in case. And you let your eyes roam over the bar crowd.

Over at a bar table sit two middle-aged ladies, hair perfectly high-lighted, sporting right-hand rings and gossiping about their co-workers, their friends, their dates the other night. You think of Sex and the City, even though you've never seen it, and wonder if they live their lives searching for love in all the weird places. When their friend waltzes in, man in tow, you wonder if this is his debut: that moment when the girlfriends size him up, make judgments to pass on to their friend in raised eyebrows, giggles, and squeezed wrists when he excuses himself to get a drink. You wonder what he thinks of it all. He seems good-natured enough, with a kind face.

He stands in contrast to that older guy leaning backwards against the bar, staring at all the women with a barely hidden grin. You can't tell if the woman he is flirting with openly is a friend or a stranger, but she's the type who has never met a stranger. She doesn't seem to care.

The couple at the other bar table share a pizza from across the street. You can tell it's their date night that's been pasted together from separate, busy work weeks. They open a bottle of wine and talk and talk like they haven't seen each other, truly seen each other, in days. And you are glad they care enough to take the time.

The two men next to you came in separately, but they planned to meet, too. They don't say much, but they puff on their cigars and hold hands, sitting side by side and staring into the haze of the bar. You wonder if they've been together long, what they do during the day. They leave together as silently as they sat, smoldering ashes left behind.

The featured band of the evening starts in on their set. They are surprisingly good. The lead singer's range has your jaw dropping, especially when you take in his appearance. No one would ever guess the power behind the man's facade. The power to move from octave to octave. All hidden behind big jeans and a bigger tee shirt. You wonder where he found the courage to sing. And when. Was it in high school? Would that have been cool then? You have no idea, but it's cool now. One of his buddies has shown up just to hear him, and stands by the bar, beer in one hand, other hand flashing the thumbs up in the air, and he lets out whoops of delight as he listens to a particularly good note.

There's a guy lounging against the wall, acting cool, feeling keenly that he is alone and hoping that someone will notice him and make his night worthwhile. He secretly hopes that the person who notices him notices that he's cool, and not that he's awkwardly alone, so he shifts his stance so he looks even cooler.

Young girls get on the dance floor, rear ends barely covered as they dance, carefree and out to have a good time. All the guys watch them excitedly, hoping for a wardrobe mishap, but the mini skirts stay tantalizingly in place. Some of the guys, the smarter ones, woo the shy girls onto the dance floor and try to loosen them up, charming them with their silly moves. An older couple swing dances like it's their job. During the slow jam, couples re-enact their high school prom two-step, eyes filled with romance as they remember, as they get lost in feeling special.

And you wonder what their stories are. And you realize that your own untold story contributes to the medley concocted that cold night in that bar. And you walk out into the drizzle, story still untold, but having gathered clues about their stories. And you smile, knowing that all the stories in that bar have yet to find their endings. And you hope they are all happy ones.

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Hitchcock (2012)

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In the late 1950's, Alfred Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins) was stumped. The movie production companies wanted the next, greatest money-making film from him. He wasn't sure where he was going to find inspiration. Until one story came along; a story so gruesome and shocking that nobody believed he would turn it into a film. Nobody wanted him to. Except himself. And thus Psycho was created: the most widely acclaimed and wildly successful film of Hitchcock's career.

But the birth of Psycho is not necessarily the emphasis of this movie. It cloaks the heart of the film with excitement, but the heart lies deeper within Hitchcock's relationship with his wife, Alma (Helen Mirren). Hitchcock was known for disappearing into fantasy worlds and forcing others to join him as he developed his movies just the way he wanted them. He was intense on set, sometimes mean. He was also known for  his infatuation with the ideal woman. This movie gives us a peek into how these characteristics impacted his marriage with Alma, and what they both did to keep their marriage going under the strain.

Alma is the true heroine of this story: strong, resilient, patient, hard-working, no-nonsense. Like any wife dealing with a husband who is full of himself, she struggles with doubt, feelings of under-appreciation, and temptations to leave. It would be so easy to walk away. But there's still that connection. There's still that chance to speak up and to repair the mess. She takes that chance, in spite of the hurt, and the two emerge stronger than ever. She proves the old adage, "Behind every great man stands a great woman." I would take it further in calling her an even greater woman. Alma was the pilot to Hitchcock's dreams. She turned them into reality. Life got much better for both of them when he realized this. The journey, however, well, that is was this movie is about.

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Clearly

Guess what we got!

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Ghost chairs, did you say? How did you ever guess? I've admired these chairs for years, now: poring over photos, imagining how to use them, loving their versatility with various decor - from modern to vintage. When a set of knock-off ghost chairs came available on Craigslist, my excitement meter rose dramatically. Not only were the chairs reasonably priced (a steal!) but they were being sold within walking distance of our apartment!

It took some convincing, but my husband knew how much I loved these chairs and how long I've wanted them, so he agreed, although with the declaration that he still didn't understand my infatuation. I assured him I was ok with that. Guess who has been won over? He loves how comfortable they are (they are super sturdy and provide great back support), and even switched out his regular dining chair for a ghost chair.

We now have two of these armchairs, and I plan to put them to double use: as side by side living room seating, and as extra dining chairs. Our living and dining space is combined, so it will be easy to face the chairs toward the living area for social seating and just as easy to turn them around for table seating. I told my husband that if he ends up not liking them, they can be put to use in my one day office. But I think he likes them, judging from his smile when he sits in them. It's a design win, win!

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New Year's Resolution Update, or Lessons Learned While Watching What I Eat

You may remember (or not) that one of my New Year's resolutions was to lose 10 pounds by May 1st. Well, it's May, and time for me to do a final update. For those of you curious to know more about what these past months have entailed, I've documented some of that in the link above titled "Get Fit." This post is also cross-posted there for reference. But on to the update!

To answer the burning question - No, I did not lose 10 pounds. I lost a grand total of 3 pounds in 4 months. The first 2 came off about a month in. The 3rd came off just a couple of weeks ago. And I think that one shed because I stopped working out and lost muscle mass. Why did I stop working out? There's a lot that goes into that answer: stress, being crazy busy (more on all that later), sickness (please tell me I'm not the only one who's been sick more times in the last year than in the past 5!), laziness, curiosity about what would happen if I did lose muscle mass/weight, seeing friends focus only on food intake control and dropping weight like whoa.

And now on to the more interesting part: what I've learned.

1. I do not need to focus on losing weight. I am at a healthy weight for my height. I may never look like I used to, but a lot of people have told me I was way too skinny before (when your doctor rejoices that you've put on weight, that might be a sign). It took several years of going from waiting tables and chasing kids to sitting at a desk at work and at home for my body to change. I'm not planning on going back to waiting tables and chasing kids any time soon, so there's no way my body will go back to what it used to be. Ladies, just be aware that if you are on the slender side, your body will one day change, and it will be a shock. You'll have to learn to dress differently, to emphasize different parts of your body. But it's ok. It may take some time to dawn on you, it may take time to embrace, it may take re-vamping your entire - and I mean entire - wardrobe, but it's ok. You are still lovely.

2. Portion sizes of food are a lot smaller than we imagine them to be. Look up charts for this. It's true. Living in the U.S. gives us a warped view of portions. Those French restaurants that serve food in portions Americans love to gripe about? They have it about right.

3. Although I've always eaten relatively healthy, tracking my food intake made me realize how sneaky calories can be. They like to hide out in favorite foods. Mexican out every week? Nope. Can't do it. I love my Mexican restaurants, but geez. That's been limited to about once a month. Mac and Cheese every week? Ok, here's a confession. I love Mac and Cheese so much that my husband bought me a cookbook solely dedicated to the subject. For a while there, I did make a recipe a week. But you know what? Cheese. It's so not good for you, no matter how good it is. Pasta? The same. And of course I got to take leftovers for lunch every day of the week. Oh, and let's not mention alcohol. Not helpful. So now? Lighter dinners, with a few splurges on comfort food once or twice a month. Clean snacks. A drink once or twice a week and no more. Balanced breakfasts. Protein shakes on the weekends when I don't feel like eating, or on the weekends I decide to take the dog for three mile runs.

4. There are some foods certain bodies just do not like. Mine doesn't like sweets much (yay!), but it also can't eat a lot of rice or certain veggies without feeling bloated. I've had to learn to stick to "safe" foods, which pretty much means I eat nearly the same things all the time (see Clean Snacks). Figure out your body's safe foods and stick to them.

5. Exercise can be a Medusa of a beast. One minute you feel strong after working out, the next you berate yourself for not working harder. One day you see and feel results, the next day nothing. One day you feel confident in your appearance, the next day you're tearing yourself up over not looking ripped enough. It can mess with your mind if you let it. Don't let it. You're in control.

6. Exercise is wonderful. It's a great way to relieve stress, let me tell ya! You can run your frustration away, lift and squat your way into feeling invincible, box your anger out...It's great. You can feel totally bad-ass at work when your quads ache and your triceps are defined, even if no one knows. It's the perfect way to gain swagger on those days you don't have much left. The elation that comes from being able to run one mile further than before, or lifting ten more pounds than last month is like no other. Exercise is about overcoming mental obstacles more than it is about overcoming physical ones.

7. I love exercise. I miss it when I'm not going to the gym or pounding the pavement. But I need to come up with a sustainable workout plan (3 days a week, varied routines, etc.) that allows me to do everything I want to do in my life. I tend to go all in, no holds barred, and then realize that I've slacked off on taking care of the house, or spending time with my husband, or socializing...you name it, I slack on it. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to train for another half marathon in the fall. And this is the biggest obstacle: how to achieve a training schedule that lets me balance the rest of my life.

8. The above point would not matter perhaps so much if I did not also need a lot of sleep. I'm one of those people who need a good 8-9 hours of sleep a night. I think it's mostly because I don't sleep well. I'm a super light sleeper most of the time, and the other time I'm a dreamer who gets so active in the dreams it's like I've been awake the whole time. Last year my doctor had to help me it got so bad. I was nearly falling asleep at my desk during the day I felt so exhausted. Since then, I've not scrimped at all on sleep. It's too costly for me. Getting up at 5 am for a run isn't in the cards for me right now. And that's ok. It doesn't matter how well you eat or how much you exercise if you do not get the sleep your body needs. Now, that's not an excuse to lie in bed as long as possible. That's laziness. It means you need to be aware of your sleep patterns and how much sleep you need to function throughout your day.

9. All this counting calorie stuff and working out mess needs to have some balance. If your partner rolls his or her eyes when you decline a rare night of celebration, even if you have been really "good" the rest of the week, it might be time to re-think motives. Life is partly about enjoying what you've been given, and being grateful for it all. Sometimes that means celebration. If you can't throw caution to the wind once in a blue moon, you've gone obsessive over...something - appearance, health, checking off your to-do list, keeping your perfect record. Not cool. Stop it. Relax and enjoy life.

10. And lastly, I've learned that every day is a starting line. Every day, no matter what the day before looked like: good, bad, or ugly, you get to start again. Every day you get to choose what you eat and drink, what you wear, what your attitude will be, how and if you will work out, and what your goals will be. If you do great on your goals one day, awesome! Build on it the next. If you mess up, no worries. The next day you get to start all over again. And so it goes. Every day is a starting line. Where will you finish? It's your decision.

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Now, Voyager (1942)

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Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis) started out as the youngest and most dramatic daughter of a well-known family. But when her dramatic streak took a romantic turn, her mother curbed that impulse and every other independent overture Charlotte may have had. Confined to the house, Charlotte wears plain dresses (in an era of Hollywood glamour), thick glasses, and out-dated hairstyles. Forbidden to deviate from the straight and narrow, she takes refuge in her room.

Just when Charlotte is about to have a nervous breakdown from suppressing her independent personality, a psychologist is introduced to the family, sees the situation at a glance, and offers Charlotte hope. She leaves for a treatment facility where she is able to develop who she is and who she wants to be, then embarks on a cruise to see the world.

Romance blossoms for her on board ship. But again it looks doomed, as the man of her affections is married. When Charlotte returns home, her mother once more tries to get her to fit her idea of what her daughter's life should look like. Charlotte has to decide once and for all which life she will lead, and then deal with the consequences of her decision.

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